As a volunteer who works with students in two elementary school classrooms each week, I’m floored by the number of kids who consistently come to class without having done their homework. And the excuses are, well, inexcusable. “I had to go to my dad’s, and he was busy.” “We were shopping all night.” “I don’t get to do my homework until late and I was tired.” Usually these excuses come from the kids who truly need work on their skills and knowledge base.
One weekly assignment involves using spelling words in sentences that reflect the students’ comprehension of each word’s meaning. I’m not exaggerating when I tell you there are 10-year-olds who don’t know the meaning of the word “faithful.” Others can’t seem to keep their eyes open to read to me because they were up until midnight, playing video games. Where are your parents, and what are you doing? It’s obvious what you’re not doing.
You made the choice to have children. Did you think they’d raise themselves? Do you think they’re born knowing how to discipline themselves? Are you so busy that you forgot they have needs that can be fulfilled only by you?
I can’t speak of other elementary schools, but I know Skyview has teachers who truly care about their students. Without exception, every elementary teacher my three school-age kids have had has been a nurturing, dynamic educator. Many go beyond what I expect of a teacher. I can’t imagine how frustrated and discouraged they must be when the parents of their students refuse to take an interest in their children’s lives.
How can we expect young people to develop a sense of responsibility or even a conscience if we don’t hold them accountable for their behavior? And how can teachers do that if parents don’t? You can’t give an artist charcoal pencils and expect him to produce an oil painting. Likewise, you can’t send a child out into the world and expect her to build a life if you haven’t given her the tools. And from what I see, a lot of you aren’t giving your kids the very basic things they deserve: time, attention, respect.
You’re not making time for them to do their homework. And then, when it’s not done, there are no consequences. Until our kids are adults, school is their job. What would happen if you didn’t do your job? I know if I didn’t, my kids wouldn’t eat. They’d go to school naked and live in a cardboard box under a bridge. If our kids are not expected to do their job, they won’t learn to read or write. They won’t be able to budget money. I see kids in the fourth grade right now who have no business being there. But the very parents who refuse to work with their kids, to help them and be sure they understand and complete their homework, are the same ones who would not dream of having their child held back a year. So we’ve got schools full of kids who keep getting promoted without having learned the basics. And it’s not because the teachers aren’t teaching. It’s because the parents aren’t parenting.
So what is it that’s taking so much of your time? Do you really need that ridiculously huge house, new SUV, or big screen TV? Is all your time spent working because you live beyond your means? All the luxury in the world is not going to give your children what they really need, which is your time. Or maybe you forgot that raising kids requires attention, and you’d rather watch TV, talk on the phone, or go out at night rather than help your child do his homework.
I know there are parents who struggle just to get by. They’re doing everything they can for their kids. Some of the students who come from those homes are the ones with the best manners, the sweetest dispositions, the biggest smiles. Wealth, or lack of it, doesn’t determine success in school or beyond. The determining factor in most cases is parental involvement.
What I see each week in the classrooms leaves me dismayed. We tend to think of child abuse as something that leaves bruises, emotional scars. But neglect is a form of abuse, and I see a lot of neglected kids. I can’t imagine being a full-time teacher whose job it is to educate children they know won’t put forth the effort, and whose parents will not care. These parents don’t want to parent; that takes too much time and effort. They have personal goals to fulfill, and the kids just get in the way.
Wake up, folks. Look into the eyes of your kids and ask yourself the hard questions. Am I doing the best I possibly can for them? Am I giving them what they need, and not just what they want? Are they the center of my life, or merely sideline hobbies?
There are parents who do their job well, and they know who they are. On the other hand, if what I say angers you, that’s probably because I’m talking to you. You’re the ones who neglect your kids by giving them whatever they want just to keep them out of your hair. Their needs aren’t convenient, so you ignore them.
Here’s a newsflash: Children aren’t convenient. They mess up your schedule and your home. They’re loud, they don’t always listen, and they require a lot of your personal time. They leave you exhausted and exasperated. It’s what kids do and who they are. And you brought them into this world. So step up to the plate and take care of these precious people.
It’s your job.